New Jerk

As a native of the sixth borough of New York, which is Ft. Lauderdale, I've come in to contact with my fair share of crazed... yankees? 
(Note: I heard recently that "yankee" historically only refers to folks from New England, and that it was only after the Civil War when Southerners began referring to everyone north of the Mason Dixon line as malicious life stealers that the term migrated to include Staten Island.  Which means Babe Ruth and all of his proteges are really just big liars. )
Let's be honest here, everything above North Carolina is all a blur. 

You know what? Having said all that, my friends from New York can actually stop reading now.  I'm not trying to get stabbed.

 With that in mind, my best friends and I decided the day after finals was the perfect day for a road trip to see some snow.  While we're at it- lets just go all the way to New York City.  It's not that far, right? NYC at Christmastime?! What a dream! Five girls in a car? What a great idea!  We'll switch off driving and make it there overnight!  We'll stay in Hoboken!  Frank Sinatra!  How romantic!

Lindsay was born in New York so she was delegated (without her consent and probably without her knowledge) as the ringleader.  She would brandish us with her street smarts!  This plan is flawless!
Emily, Cristina, and I all grew up on the beaches of Florida.  I didn't even own a sweater.  To me, Tallahassee was as cold as I'd ever been, so New York City in December couldn't possibly be that much colder, right?
WRONG.

We left after our collective last final, piling into a car after dark and making our way to Courtney's home in Asheville, NC.
I mean, it was only 8 hours out of the way.

I'm not sure if it's necessary to mention at this point that we were Freshmen in college.  Did that already come across?  It should have.

We spent the... day?  night?  Whatever.  We slept at her house and got back into the car after dark the next night.  We checked in to an Econolodge in Hoboken, NJ at 11 am.  Right on time! 
Get on the ferry and lets get to romancin!  
HOLY SHIT IT IS SO COLD OUTSIDE
I wore all of my clothing the whole trip.  That was three pair of JEANS, four long sleeved shirts, and a... sweater?  Hoodie?  Whatever it was, it was absolutely not warm enough. 
And that was before it started raining! 
We darted into Macy's 5th Avenue, which was an absolute holiday dreamland.  Until we crashed out and fell asleep on the couches. 
Five girls, ragged and dirty from having driven all night, wet and dressed like homeless sheep, lumbered into Macys and fell asleep in the home section.
And no one bothered us.  Macy's was not even phased.

We woke up and stumbled over to a nearby coffee shop just to get our hands on something warm before deciding to check out some reeeaaall fucken Brooklyn pizza.  But not in Brooklyn.  yet.
We touted around Times Square, saw the lights of Broadway, the giant tree at Rockefeller center, watched couples ice skate in the rain!  Who cares about the weather!  We were newly rested, a little bit of rain couldn't stop us!

And so at around 2 am, we decided it was time to head back to the Ferry and book it to Hoboken.

Instead, we had a Subway adventure.  Not the restaurant!  Silly.
Around 2:30 am, when we still had not reached our desired location, we prepared to exit the train and regroup.  Remember when you were a kid, and your folks called you in to the room and gave you that look that made your heart sink all the way to your b-hole?  That's how I felt exiting the station.  I mean, New York isn't known for any sort of cleanliness (sorry, Guiliani- you did your best), but there was something exxxtra dirrty about this.

Seeing this look in my eyes, an uncharactaristically dapper young man stopped us in our tracks.
"You must be lost."
"No, no, we're fine... we've got it under control.  We're just... switching... trains?"
"Where are you staying"
Ashamed, we offered up.
"I want you to cross the street and go down into the other station.  Take that train to whatever stop, and then take the next train back to the ferry.  Do not look at anyone, stay tight in a group, and move quickly."
DONE, SIR.

No, I don't know where we ended up.  It made some pre-hipster white dude in a fedora sktech out.  It was probably just Brooklyn, but on the not yet gentrified side.  I DON'T CARE.  None of us wanted to be there.

The next day, Lindsay decided to drive into the city.   She was from New York!  She could handle the pressure!  She knew where we could park safely all day!

Here's how the conversation went the next night:
"Hi... we're a little lost. We're just looking for our car, we parked on xth and xxth"
"YOU MEAN HARLEM?!?!"

Tune in next week!