Everyone's a little bit racist

That's right, I saw Avenue Q.

No really, I didn't, but I listened to that song a lot (thanks again, Lauren).

Here's the truth, I was walking out of publix today when a man stopped me and said, "Excuse me, where are you from?"
"...Here?  I live down the street..."
"No, I mean... you look like you're from the Islands...  I'm from Barbados and you look like you're from Barbados, I was just wondering if you were."
"No... no, sorry."

I would like to know, 1) How this is an appropriate thing to say to a stranger.  2) What, specifically, someone from Barbados looks like, and 3) Why does this happen to me all the time?


So, to all my ethnically ambiguous brothers and sisters, the top ten most racist things people have said to me.  All of these, mind you, are entirely unprovoked.

1)While walking by my desk, a coworker stopped and commented, loudly, "...So what are you like... bi-racial or something?"

2) While I was playing the xylophone with her child, "Would you be willing to nanny?  I'm looking for someone who will speak Spanish to her."

3) While working guest services at an American Indian heritage site, "So, did they hire you because you're Apalachee?"

4) 10 seconds after walking into dollar general, "Excuse me, miss?  Can you follow me?" 
"Oh, um... sure."
"I need you to explain to this woman that the balloons are $1 each, not $1 for the bouquet."
"..."
"She doesn't speak English"
"Yeah, I only speak English"

5)At a Starbucks: "Hi.  Can you translate something for me?  I want to get 'honor' tattooed on my calf in Hebrew, and I want to make sure I spelled it correctly."
"..."
"You're Israeli, right?"

6) Friend of my sister: "I didn't realize you were sisters!  I mean, you look so... ethnic."

7) Customer at Steak-n-Shake, "Are you naturally brown like that? Or do you tan?"

8)Hairstylist, "I mean... I have just never seen hair this texture before.  What are you supposed to do with it?"  (Disclaimer- I have regular ass brown hair.  It's not even that effing curly)

9) While getting fingerprinted for a job, "What does "O" under race/ ethnicity mean?"
"Other.  I'm bi-racial, and that's not an option, so I put other."
"Well, you look white to me.  So today you're white."
Then she whited-out my "O" and put a "W"

10) At countless dive bars, "Do you mind if I guess where you're from?"
"It costs a dollar."


Is this a phenomenon that brown hairds experience frequently?

I know this shit happens to other people.

Scummer camp

I've been working in summer camps for entirely too long.

Always day camps.  Not jewish sleep away camps in the Catskills.  Not happy heavens in the Appalachians, nor ranches in Texas.  No, these camps are not Camp Firewood.  Ugg and Donkeylips play no part.  This is not the Bar None Dude ranch, sorry Melody. 

This is science camp.  This is archaeology camp.  This is aftercare at the YMCA.   This is a half step above Vacation Bible School.  If you're lucky, this is Circus camp (but you had to be one of 25 kids that lived in PCB for 7 weeks during the summer of 2008 before Don Hamrick, better known as "That SOB Don Hamrick" decided to ruin all of our lives).  If you're REALLY lucky, this is Callaway Gardens, and you're from Louisiana, and you're about to get schooled.

So, in honor of all those impressionable children I and a great many others have (hopefully) left marks (scars?) on- the top 10 funniest things kids have ever said to me, in no particular order:

1) "You know, ants do feel pretty interesting when you pet them."

2) "I ate sand once.  I didn't like the taste, but it had a nice crunch."

3) Teacher: "Does anyone know kind of animal a possum is?  It starts with an M...."
    Child:  "MENSTRUATION!"
     Other child:  "They get killed in the road because sometimes they're in their brother"

4) Adult:   "Why are you punching yourself in the face?"
    Child:   "To protect my nose."
    Adult:    "How does that protect your nose?"
    Child:     "You know... in case killer bees attack.  Like, if I get my nose used to the pain it won't hurt as much."

5) Child: "I'm a mermaid."
     Adult: "Sweet, can I be a mermaid, too?"
     Child:  "No, I'm the last mermaid."
     Adult: "What happened to all the other mermaids?"
    Child:   "You didn't know?  Hitler killed them.  In World War II.  He didn't like the color of their fins and they weren't blonde."

6)  "Be still, ball!  I'll rearrange your spleen!"

7) "When I get nervous, I get a funny feeling in my special luggage!"

8) "Once I saw two owls making out."

9) "I wish I could bite my back!"

10)  "Whispers fight fire"

And an extra special bonus, just an important thing I would like ya'll to know:

"Baby puppies are not like baby lions"

Summer's not over, and there's plenty more where those came from, so stick around for another installment.  That's right, we're doing this VH1-style.