Scummer camp

I've been working in summer camps for entirely too long.

Always day camps.  Not jewish sleep away camps in the Catskills.  Not happy heavens in the Appalachians, nor ranches in Texas.  No, these camps are not Camp Firewood.  Ugg and Donkeylips play no part.  This is not the Bar None Dude ranch, sorry Melody. 

This is science camp.  This is archaeology camp.  This is aftercare at the YMCA.   This is a half step above Vacation Bible School.  If you're lucky, this is Circus camp (but you had to be one of 25 kids that lived in PCB for 7 weeks during the summer of 2008 before Don Hamrick, better known as "That SOB Don Hamrick" decided to ruin all of our lives).  If you're REALLY lucky, this is Callaway Gardens, and you're from Louisiana, and you're about to get schooled.

So, in honor of all those impressionable children I and a great many others have (hopefully) left marks (scars?) on- the top 10 funniest things kids have ever said to me, in no particular order:

1) "You know, ants do feel pretty interesting when you pet them."

2) "I ate sand once.  I didn't like the taste, but it had a nice crunch."

3) Teacher: "Does anyone know kind of animal a possum is?  It starts with an M...."
    Child:  "MENSTRUATION!"
     Other child:  "They get killed in the road because sometimes they're in their brother"

4) Adult:   "Why are you punching yourself in the face?"
    Child:   "To protect my nose."
    Adult:    "How does that protect your nose?"
    Child:     "You know... in case killer bees attack.  Like, if I get my nose used to the pain it won't hurt as much."

5) Child: "I'm a mermaid."
     Adult: "Sweet, can I be a mermaid, too?"
     Child:  "No, I'm the last mermaid."
     Adult: "What happened to all the other mermaids?"
    Child:   "You didn't know?  Hitler killed them.  In World War II.  He didn't like the color of their fins and they weren't blonde."

6)  "Be still, ball!  I'll rearrange your spleen!"

7) "When I get nervous, I get a funny feeling in my special luggage!"

8) "Once I saw two owls making out."

9) "I wish I could bite my back!"

10)  "Whispers fight fire"

And an extra special bonus, just an important thing I would like ya'll to know:

"Baby puppies are not like baby lions"

Summer's not over, and there's plenty more where those came from, so stick around for another installment.  That's right, we're doing this VH1-style.